The Spam Drama
                          Conspired By Jim Reardon

                                   ACT IV
                                   ------

Scene 1: Funeral for President Joe.

Secret Service Boy:     Friends, English Waffles, Flying Space Cattle,
                        lend me your ears <everyone tosses both their
                        ears onto the platform where the SS Boy is standing.>
                        That is all.

Secret Service Boy 2:   I come here not to bury Joe, but to praise him.
                        doubtless he was a bum, but he was the president,
                        and that made him a special bum.
                        But Brutus says he was ambitious,
                        and surely Brutus is an honorable man!
                        Pardon, for my heart is in there with
                        Caesar, and I must wait for it to come back to me.
                        <Wrong tragedy?? I think so!>

Bum: Hey, don't we have to have a new president?

Bum 2: Nah, who needs them anyway.

Bum: You're right.  Let's get drunk on food stamps and burn down things.

Bum 2: Ok.

Secret Service Boy: Whoever's license plate is "I M A COW" your license
plates are causing a revolt in the parking lot.

Secret Service Boy 2: This is really getting stupid.

Chorus: Goat!  Goat!  Goat!  Goat!  Goat!

Secret Service Boy 2: <Slaps face> Can we just end this thing?