How To Lead A Small Group In 82 Easy Steps What Is A Teen Leader? Teen leaders both lead and plan all small group activities, keep communication open and flowing, are a good role model, help include people who seem left out, assist those who seem troubled, keep things on track, organize materials, and provide condoms. Teen leaders also have to enforce rules, keep adult leaders informed, discuss problems as they arise, model appropriate behavior, keep people on schedule, keep things up beat, assist in training activities, introduce speakers, help clean up, listen, and make Julian fries all for a low price of three easy payments of $19.99. Reach out to the participants. When necessary take the initiative in expressing caring, warmth, and understanding toward each member. Listen to your members, and model your behavior for other participants. Avoid letting your own values hinder your effectiveness. Suspend your own beliefs in order to listen and help. Don't let your own sense of right and wrong interfere in facilitating the group. Avoid being an authority figure. Just be "one of the guys." By all means avoid processing your own issues in small group. As a facilitator you should be dealing with listening to the problems of others and not of your own. Small group is not the time nor place to deal with your own issues. If you need somebody to speak with, seek out a co-leader, director, or someone other than your small group members. How Do I Do All That Stuff? Most of all, use your common sense. But on the finer details... Starting Your Group Off Be sure to tell your group what the group is about. Large Groups are for listening and absorbing information. Small Group is the real heart of Snowball. It's where participants are allowed and encouraged to share their feelings - it truly belongs to the participants. Tell them it's a democracy - everyone has a chance to participate. Also, everyone in the group is equal, the members, the leader, and even the adult in the group. A fair opportunity should be given to all. Stress the ideals of Snowball. * Honesty. A Small Group will only succeed if all participants are honest with each other and themselves. This is especially true of leaders. * Respect. Obviously not all participants have the same values and opinions, and that is normal. All values and opinions of individuals should be respected. It is important that you as a leader reflect this. * Confidentiality. By far the most important ideal. Every member must remain confidential. It is essential that you, as a leader, follow this. Games and Activities There is an entire entourage of games to pick and choose from for your group, you can even pick and choose from ones played at Snowbound. It is important to remember, though, that you will not know everyone in the group, and will not have the trust in them that we have already founded in each other. For this reason, it is VITAL that you start slow, and let people get to know (and love) each other. It is also important to remember that not only games are to be planed. Things such as the First Impressions Bag or a nice group talk are always nice ways to spend small group time. The small group should be one of the closest and most sharing times of Snowball - it's up to you to make it that. Most small groups go through predictable stages of development. The first stage is to get people to know each other, and try to get them to trust one another. Explain that small group is a safety zone where it is okay to show emotion and share - or choose not to. Stage two is the time of support. Question your small group on presentations, encourage talk and monitor the flow of discussion. Encourage participants to talk and interact. When conversation may be lagging or the energy low, switch gears and try a game or activity to pump up the group. Third stage is the "getting ready to go back" stage. Make sure nobody "dumps" all their problems out onto the group. The last session should be the most fun; and the most touching. It is when all members finally realize how close they have become to one another. A great "Goodbye" activity is the Bead Activity, where people share what they feel about one another. You will delve more into detail in this area when you learn how to plan for your small group. Keep Communication Flowing Since you're a leader, it's important that you let others take the time to share their feelings. Try to let the group take the conversation, try to talk as little as possible (if possible). Be sure not to use any communication stoppers: * Advising, Recommending, Persuading, or Arguing. Giving answers to problems without being asked. Example: "I think you should break up with your him, he's no good for you." * Sympathizing, Pitying, or Feeling Sorry for Someone. Belittling another person by denying their feelings. Example: "I feel so sorry for you." * Moralizing, Preaching. Telling someone what's right or wrong. Leave it up to their pastor. Example: "You shouldn't wear clothes like that, or you will rot in an eternal peril of hell." * Ordering. Telling someone what to do while taking away options. Example: "Don't hang around with them, they're bad examples." * Interrupting. Breaking in while someone else is speaking, or finishing someone's sentence. Example: "He's such a jerk, one time..." (you) "Yeah, he sprayed binaca in my eye!" * Threatening. Telling someone that if they continue to do something, there will be consequences. Example: "Stop crying or I'll leave." * Criticizing. Making a negative evaluation of anyone's behavior or actions, even if they are not part of your group. Example: "You talk too much." * Praising. Trying to make someone feel better by bringing out their positive qualities (usually in an exaggerated manner). Example: "How could you be sad? You have a nice ass!" * Kidding, Using Sarcasm. Avoiding the problem by making a joke of it. Example: "I'm really scared of snakes." (you) "That reminds me! Snake bite me in eye!" * Diverting. Changing the subject in order to avoid talking about their problem or to focus on your own. Example: "You think your parents stink, what about mine!" * Diagnosing. Analyzing the other person. Example: "You missed the meeting yesterday; you must be trying to avoid something." Another important thing to keep conversation going is to be sure to ask open-ended questions. BAD: "Are you gay?" GOOD: "Explain your sexuality." Some good open-ended statements: * How do you feel about it? * What do you think? * Tell me about it. * What did you do? * What do you think about it? * When you feel angry what do you do? Some bad statements/questions that are close-ended: * You feel badly, don't you? (Don't tell someone how they feel - ask them!) * It's hard to think about, isn't it? * Did you tell him what to do? (Don't ask yes or no questions) * Do you want to talk to him? * I know that you're sad. (Would they be crying if they weren't?) Avoid leading questions - that is, don't ask "did the speaker make you feel uncomfortable," because you would most likely receive the negative input. Ask instead what they thought about the speaker, in order to get an array of responses. Also, phrase your questions in a positive manner. Instead of saying "Why won't this plan work?" say "What problems will we have to overcome if we adopt this plan?" Work towards a solution. Problems may arise in conversation. One person may monopolize the floor. Be sure that everyone is given the chance to speak, but be sure not to hurt anyone's feelings by telling them to shut up. Also, don't have people tell "war stories" - how they had a wild weekend, got drunk, and had a bunch of loose women. We will discuss troubleshooting a small group in a little bit. Be A Good Role Model You know what that means - none of the green stuff for you, gringo. Practice what you preach. Also, show up on time for sessions. If you don't, your group won't. Help Include Those Who Are Left Out The silent types are sometimes difficult to figure out. Provide as many opportunities as possible for each participant to contribute. Make a special effort to ask the quiet ones, but don't pick on them. The non-talking silent-type response might be caused by a number of things. The person may be scared or shy, in which case be warm and supportive. Seek the individual after the group and talk to them. Show a little extra interest and the shy type may open up. Sometimes, quietness is due to being overwhelmed. Do not make a person feel guilty for not saying anything, all of us learn by listening, but it sure isn't that much fun if you're scared to say anything the whole weekend. The bonding experience that is Snowball can't happen if you are frightened. Assist Those Who Seem Troubled The best assistance is not always something you can give. Be sure not to take on too much - if someone comes to you with a problem, usually the best thing to do is refer her to somebody QUALIFIED to handle it. Remember, you are not a state-appointed psychiatrist. You are just a small group leader. Enforce Rules If somebody is breaking the rules, you have to let somebody with power know. It is important that nothing goes awry at Snowball. It is a weekend of trust and love, a way to show people how to have fun without drugs. A way to reinforce a positive lifestyle. These things can not be conveyed if somebody is smoking reefer, hurting someone's feeling, or getting up to general naughtiness. Remember, to most of the general public teenagers can do no good. Let's not prove them right. Some good rules: * Confidentiality. The most important. Emphasize that small group is a safety zone where people can share without fear. * No Put Downs. * No War Stories. Don't glorify or brag about past alcohol or drug use. Be aware that there's a difference between relating a experience for a purpose and a war story. * No Names. Discourage the use of real names in describing situations. * No Monopolizing. * Members Can Pass. Participants will feel safer if they are aware they don't have to talk about each topic. * Right To An Opinion. Participants should be encouraged to express their own opinion without being criticized or put down for it. * Emotion is OK. * Normal is OK. Participants without problems should not be left out. Encourage small group members with the idea that we all grow and learn from each other. * Respect Yourself as Well as Others. In addition to not putting down others, discourage people from putting themselves down. * Ask group members to be sure to bring their folders to every session - large and small. Also encourage members to wear their name tags at all times, too. * Respect the property of others. Do not touch other people's property. Stay off the beds. Keep Adult Leaders Informed If there is a problem in your group, let an adult know. Do not let things develop, or they could explode. The adults are here to help you, and are a vital resource to you. Use that resource. Discuss Problems as they Arise Sometimes the best way to solve a group problem is to have the group talk about it. People on occasion do not realize what they are doing. Perhaps bringing it to their attention could help. If a problem does arise, try to talk it out. If that doesn't work, contact an adult advisor. They have much more experience in this line of work. Your training qualified you to facilitate a group but not to do therapy. Remember that Snowball is not a treatment program. No Advice! Keep People on Schedule It is up to you to make sure your group is at every large group and every meal on time. We pay the speakers even if they don't speak. We pay for food even if people don't eat. Don't waste our time or money. Keep people (including yourself) punctual. Keep Things Up-Beat Try not to focus on the negative or sad aspects during small groups. Snowball is a high-energy retreat, and we want everybody to be happy. Don't avoid sad aspects (as it is just that that leads to greater group dynamics), but don't dwell upon it. Listen This is by far the most important thing you have to do in order to have a functional small group. Communication is the essential ingredient of the small group. It is the cement that holds the individual bricks together as a wall. Listening is taken for granted, but to be a good effective listener requires work. Most people are not really listening, but thinking instead of what they will say next (the Shoot and Reload syndrome). Try to understand things from the other person's perspective. Convey that you are being attentive while people are talking merely by saying words like Uh-Huh, Yeah, Oh, Yes, Really, Go On, and the such. These small but important phrases can mean a thousand words. * Be interested in what the other person is saying and show it. Genuine concern and lively curiosity encourage others to speak freely. Interest also sharpens your attention and builds on itself. * Tune into the other person. Try to understand their viewpoint, assumptions, and system of beliefs. * Hold your fire. Avoid jumping to conclusions. Be sure to hear the speaker out. Place your response only after you are certain that you've gotten the whole message. * Look for the main ideas. Avoid being distracted by details. Focus on the key issue, you may have to dig to find it. * Watch for feelings. Often people talk to get something off of their chest. Feelings, not facts, may be the main message. * Monitor your own feelings and point of view. Each of us listens differently. Our convictions and emotions filter - even distort - what we hear. Be aware of your own attitudes, prejudices, cherished beliefs and your emotional reaction to the message. * Notice Non-Verbal Language. A shrug, smile, or nervous laugh speak sometimes more than words. * Give the other person the benefit of the doubt. We often enter conversations with our minds made up, at least partially, on the basis of past experience. Prejudgements can shut out new messages. * Work at listening. Hearing is positive. Our nervous system does the work. Listening is active. It takes mental effort and attention. * Get feedback. Make certain you're really listening. Ask a question. Confirm with the speaker what he or she actually said. And now some non-verbal ways of showing your attention: * Maintain eye contact, but remember some people are uncomfortable with staring. Don't be caught staring at the ceiling by the person you are attending to. * Watch your body posture. Face the other person. Do not slump over but do not stay straight as a robot. To show that you are "open" be open. * Do not fidget. Remember that you are attending to another person's needs, not your own hair, a pencil, or your finger nails. * Keep a good body proximity. A balance of distance and closeness is best. Leaning towards the person can show you care, but constant leaning may result in the other person backing away and feeling uncomfortable. Staying too distant may make you seem uncaring and far away. * Watch your facial expressions. They echo your feelings and thoughts. Use your face to convey feelings but do not be too distracting by over-expressing yourself. Make your expressions match the words you say... Don't smile and say "that's so sad." * Body movement is also a key. Stay somewhere between sleeping and jumping jacks. If your knees are to be crossed, cross them, but not every 15 seconds. Hand movements can show that you are listening, but too much can be distracting. Head nodding is a way to show understanding. Be alive, but don't scare the other person off. Learn to "read" people's expressions. Here's a short list that's not always accurate, but is a good guide. Action Meaning Hand Over Mouth I better be careful about what I'm saying. Hard Exhale Anger Hard Inhale Pain Drop Eye Contact and Play With Something What I'm going to say is embarrassing. Finger at Temple I'm thinking very carefully Smile When Nothing Is Funny Anger Looking Off Into Space When Asked A Question Looking for an answer better than the real one. Wiping Finger Under Nose Bullshit Wiping Eye or Near Eye Sorrow, Pain Leaning Forward Getting into the scene. Leaning Backward Getting out of the scene. Leaning Far Back With Hands Behind Head I want to yet I don't. Has something to say but is holding it back. Leaning Forward With Head Down Sad, Depressed Changing Position In Chair When Someone Else Is Talking Wants to say something Touching Side of Nose When Asked a Question Embarrassment or Bullshit Long Delay After Asked a Question Bullshit again. Clenching Fists Anger again. Very Open Position Either very relaxed or "I am nothing." Crossing Arms Tightly Closing off - not letting anything in or out. Shifting In Chair When Talking Change in subject, or approach line of thinking. Trouble Shooting Your Small Group Monopolizer: This is one of the most common problems. It's just a person that won't shut up. Usually, this is a result of attention depravity, and find that monopolizing gives them the needed attention. Most likely they are not aware they are monopolizing. Sometimes, they talk out of nervousness. To combat the situation try to direct questions and ask opinions of others in the group. Don't be rude and ignore them, but try gently to cut them off. Another technique is to sit next to them, and if they start to monopolize, a simple touch can often stop them. If all else fails, contact an adult who can further help you with the situation. The Teller of War Stories: If a participant insists in telling war stories, you are not out of line by calling them on it. Explain that the purpose of the small group is to discuss general behavior and not specific incidents. Again, talking to the individual privately should help. If all else fails, contact an adult advisor to help out. The Dumper: The person who likes to dump all their problems on the small group. This could be a convenient way for sympathy and recognition. The best thing to do is avoid giving the opportunity to the dumper. Unless you plan to tape their mouth shut, the best course of action is to make the last small group like the first - very structured. If they do get started, then be emphatic and offer suggestions and resources.